The Positive Discipline is based on the teachings of Alfred Adler and Rudolph Dreikurs. Adler was a student of human behavior whose ideas remain valid even today individual psychology Adler developed which is applied to improve interpersonal relationships of the individual, the family, and society. One of the disciples was Rudolph Dreikurs Adler, author of countless books for parents and teachers to understand the practical application of the Adlerian theory. Some adults in raising their children misinterpreted many of the concepts suggested by Dreikurs. This lack of understanding led to inadequate implementation of the suggested techniques and adults used them to take advantage of the knots and beat them instead of letting them feel winners.
Beat them children makes them develop a sense of losers rebels and highly submissive created. None of these characteristics is desirable for children. Develop winning children means teaching them to be cooperative and responsible, develop skills for problem solving and self – discipline in an environment where mutual respect prevails. Positive discipline emphasizes these principles of dignity and respect between parents and children. It is a discipline based on cooperation, mutual respect and shared responsibility in making more effective the daily coexistence that prevails in a discipline where absolute control or lack thereof.
For positive discipline, it means the doctrine or teaching that helps to understand the inappropriate behavior of children promotes positive attitudes towards children and teaches them to have good behavior, responsibility and interpersonal skills using the principles of generosity, encouragement, and mutual respect. Positive discipline gives parents the tools to guide their children in a positive and effective way.
Many of the suggestions offered in this training will give you the key to being a good father every day so that you can help your children to gain courage, confidence and life skills.
Key points to remember before explaining the tools so that parents can make sure their children to be happy, responsible and individuals who contribute to this society:
- Remember that long-range purpose of parents is to help their children develop their self-esteem and life skills they need to be effective, happy and contributing to the welfare of his family and members of society human beings.
- Select the most appropriate tools or suggestions according to their circumstances.
To develop feelings or actions that may be more effective for your child remember:
- Maintaining dignity and respect for you and your child.
- Long reach set goals in your mind.
- Focus on solutions rather than punishment.
- Research what your child wants or has decided. This can be quite different from what you intend to teach.
- Try to involve your child to learn to work toward solutions. To involve them in urging them to cooperate and develop life skills.
- Work with these tools in a flexible way, as not all children are equal.
Before you start using these tools in raising their children, ask yourself: what brought your child to get? After this, you are ready to begin to know what are the most effective tools used as a parent in raising your child will be.
Many family problems can be resolved with meetings. They have many benefits for its members. The main benefits are all life skills that the child can learn, such as communication skills, cooperation, mutual respect, creativity, responsibility, learn to express their feelings and how to have fun or enjoy family.
In addition, they can experience that mistakes are an opportunity to learn and a stronger union in the family Parents can resolve any dispute with their children suggesting that the issue is put on the agenda to discuss it or fix it in the next family reunion takes place.
Important components for a successful family reunion
- Set up a schedule for the meeting this maybe once a week. At the family meeting, it is important that they are all members of the family.
- Prepare an agenda – this should be placed in a visible place where everyone can see, read and write a wish to discuss – some matter (can be in the refrigerator door).
- Start the meeting with praise and recognition of the good things he has done each. This gives everyone a chance to receive and reinforce the comments made.
- Note positions and leading scorer, the leader is the one who opened the meeting, read the matters to discuss, ask who wants to speak and maintains the order of the meeting. The scorer writes the suggestions and circulating the agreements.
- When several solutions or ideas to solve a situation arise, vote for each solution. The whole family must agree with exposed before it is implemented the solution. Sometimes the problem exposed or situation needs to be more studied or discussed so that the solution can take more than a week before the family to agree.
- It is important to note that listen to people when they bring their problems or issues, may be sufficient to express a solution or change. Sometimes the situation requires the family filed discuss it more and express their ideas where everyone participation in order to achieve a solution.
- The family should keep a calendar of activities and record the rides and activities planned.
- Some families end the meeting with a game or giving a dessert member. The meeting should be fun and productive.
Take time for family gatherings is helpful though not always achieved as planned. Parents have to learn to guide their children and monitor them positively Children must learn that they must listen and take this activity seriously. If the first does not work, try several more times. Remember that long-range benefits are more important in terms of frustrations and failures. An important part of growing and learning process is simply failures.
Generous and firm
Being generous is easy for some parents, but they are difficult to be firm. This action is usually directed by excessive permissibility. Other parents find it easy to be firm, but forget to be generous. Neither of these actions is healthy for children because it does not help in the development of life skills. They need to be happy, taxpayers and skilled young people.
The formula for developing young people trained is to establish a balance between firmness and generosity. Firmness means properly using the principles of reliability. Generosity means maintaining dignity and respect between both parties (father and son). Generosity invites children to manipulate and evade responsibility. The dictatorial power (be firm without generosity) invites children to be rebels and challenge authority. Firmness and generosity guide children to cooperate and meet the borders where they can feel safe. Relaxation CD children
Ask questions: What? How? Why?, Instead of saying what might cause you to action
Many parents tell children what can happen if they make certain actions, how they might feel and what they should do about the situation. Guide children in developing their own knowledge and judgment are wrong because they take away the opportunity to learn. Teach children how to think better. We can help them develop their thinking and judgment skills. We can ask, what is going on? Why do you think that is going on? How do you feel about them? How can you use this knowledge next time?
It is important to remember that questions why? What? And how? They are appropriate only when there is genuine interest in knowing the thoughts and feelings of children.
Watch for inappropriate questions that hurt the feelings of people, such as: Why did you do that? why you feel that way? why have you courage? It is difficult for people to answer these questions because they feel helpless and have inadequate feelings.
Give the child, at least, two options. Sometimes that choice is not appropriate. This happens specifically with young children. It is not appropriate to choose between goings to school or not go. Hurt someone, or being in a risky situation climb onto the roof of a house.
You can accept certain options that children can choose from, such as; taking piano lessons or decide not to get them, go to bed at 8:15 or at 8:30 pm, put dirty clothes in the appropriate place or wear it dirty. If you are not willing to let your child without giving money or use the laundry, do not give you options.
Young children need limits to choose from, as they grow, they need more alternatives to choose unless you do not face a power struggle.
Natural consequences are simple and very effective in e-learning process. These occur naturally, for example, when you stand in the rain, you get wet; when you forget to eat, you get hungry: they do not wash dirty clothes remains.
Logical consequences are a little more complicated. The involvement of parents is required when the natural consequence is inappropriate because it may be harmful or could hurt someone. This result can be long-range, for example, have to straighten his mouth because it has a damaged tooth. The three are the logical consequence we provide guidance, they are related, respectful and reasonable. These apply to both parents and children.
The logical consequences may be verbal. If the child is the dog in a rough way, immediately separate the child or dog to be together. If the child does not put dirty clothes in the hamper for dirty clothes, do not say anything; just do not wash his clothes. Have faith that with time, your child will catch your responsibility.
Carried beyond the consequences
Many parents and teachers use the logical consequences as a way for children to pay for a fact instead of focusing on future solutions. They think that punishment developed using words with logical consequences. There are eight suggestions to make sure that the consequences will not be a punishment concealed or disguised.
1. This is not obvious – This is not logical
One of the most popular questions we hear is: What will be the logical consequence of any action? The answer to this is: if the result is not obvious, then it is inappropriate For example when a child makes drawings on the wall, if we use the three words guides to analyzing a consequence (related-respectful-reasonable) what wait is that the child cleans the wall where you drew. If this is very small, at least, it should help clean it.
2. Focus on solutions instead of consequences
Instead of looking at the logical consequences, it is more effective to look at solutions. It is a mistake to think more about the logical consequence of each behavior. We try to put less emphasis on the consequences and more interest in solving the problem.
3. Involve the child in solutions
Children are a great resource to those who, often, do not give them the chance to prove it. They make agreements more readily when it is something related to your things. Develop self-confidence and healthy self-esteem when they heard and taken seriously its recommendations. When we value their contribution, they experience a sense of belonging. Then they behave better and are more willing to learn from their mistakes and work on solving problems.
4. Focuses on the future instead of the past
Another point is that we care more punishment than the consequence; in this situation is when we focus on the past instead of the future. The emphasis, many times, is to make the child pay for what he did instead of looking at solutions that can help in the future.
This formula can help define when the logical consequence is appropriate for every opportunity that the child is there a related responsibility. The obvious consequence is not accepting responsibility and miss. Example: A teenager who has the opportunity to use the family car could have the responsibility to let the gas tank, at least, half-full. When the tank is not half, the consequence is that the teenager loses the opportunity to use the car because it did not comply with the agreements. That formula is effective only if the result is reinforced respectfully, then the teenager may again have another opportunity as soon proves to be ready to execute the responsibility.
Avoid forcing your child, do not force them to do things by a sitting them punishment and saying what he did. Instead of punishing them show them how you could solve this in the future. The punishment to be given should be based on the consequence of making the child feel bad for the next time to get it right.
6. Plan ahead
Children do not feel punished if they can prevent the consequences in advance. During the family reunion or problem-solving session, ask about what their suggestions about the consequences for any behavior. This helps them to be learning the correct behavior. An example of this is to make the following question: What do you think about using the phone in an appropriate and beneficial way for all family members? What you think about what would be the logical consequence of returning the car with an empty tank?
7. Disclose is the fourth “R” of the logical consequences
If children are not involved in planning, at least, they should notify in advance the consequences that would bring any situation. Example: you can tell them that if they use this room should be left arranged in an appropriate way for another member of the family can use it. Increase accountability and power sharing are effective. If a problem occurs in the family and needs help to solve it, you can bring the problem to the family reunion and fix with the participation of all members.
Provide follow – up can reduce large frustrations and conflicts with children at the time they are taught any positive life skill provide monitoring means parents decide what they will do children and then give supervision with generosity and firm action instead to give a sermon or punishment.
When talking with your children, give them a short message ten words or less and firmly. A word can be very effective, for example, when a child under six years does not go to sleep, take them hand and in generous, gentle, but firm, say, “to sleep.’ If the child resists, offer alternatives, ask do you want to look your storybooks or what? Do you have to read the story until 8:00 pm? Yes? Resists will face a power struggle and have to deal with that looking for what is the cause. Perhaps needs attention, wants to challenge the power, you might feel helpless, or it may simply be revenge. Look what is the reason and try to stimulate it, influencing it positively.
What you make children learn? What they do can have a logical consequence, which may be what you say, followed by a firm and generous action. The child is learning about what is responsibility. He has the option to go to bed light and take the time to listen to the story or have less time to listen to it. One of the greatest gifts you can give a child the opportunity to learn about the treatment of themselves and others with dignity and respect, which for you will give you a very valuable demonstration.